in Uncategorized


From a letter to Stephanie Loveless, 8/28/2012
a mexican grocery looks just like a puerto rican grocery. you usually can’t tell the difference from the outside, unless there’s an old auntie selling tacos at night. then you know it is mexican. if it is not mexican, it is guatamalan.
but if there are aunties and they are not selling tacos, then it is probably not mexican or guatemalan because some aunties are columbian or peruvian. they don’t sell tacos. they sell empanadas and little meaty things. the peruvians and columbians only sell at night because bloomberg won’t let them sell in the day because their food is too tasty and so he says their kitchens are illegal.
puerto rican groceries now usually only sell beer and packaged stuff because they have become ‘merican. and maybe they will make bacon egg and cheese in the morning.
there are very few puerto rican grocery stores left because they are all now run by yemeni, who make bacon egg and cheese with halal beef bacon.
some puerto richan stores are now mexican. you cannot tell the difference outside because spanish is the same in writing, and all the sign painters are still puerto rican.
but inside everything is different because the mexicans aren’t yet ‘merican and so their stores are different and they eat different food.
also they have a different relationship to eagles and snakes.
puerto ricans don’t have much to do with eagles or with snakes. puerto ricans have saints and frogs.
you can always tell a puerto rican store by the saints or the frogs. if they have no saints or frogs, they are probably dominican.
dominicans are basically concerned with cleavage. if you go into a store and everywhere there are photos and videos of cleavage, then they are dominican.
dominican stores also look like puerto rican stores but with more cleavage.
you think i am lying to you but i am not.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email